Funny thing called Love.

Here's a funny thing called love,

that bolsters me up and banishes me down.

For which involves an angel so beautiful,

that delves within so ethereal...

Pass a fleeting moment of happiness,

in reverie, your beauty and grace.

Even from a simplest connection,

blesses days with a brighter face.

Fleeting, I must emphasise,

for there's so much between that's not realised.

Sheer joy at the slightest news of you,

to know it's happy times you're through.

But within, oh angel, so ethereal,

the bridge is broken, albeit bounds to tell...

Emasculated, at mere sight,

his heart desires to reach, feel light.

But all that happens - the heart in gut,

he proceeds nowhere, just stuck in rut.

There's much of a barrier in between,

regardless how much soul he means.

Acquiesce he must, to keep things clear,

before oh ethereal angel, disappear.

Acknowledges upon all is just his doing,

his view, his feelings, in the brewing.

Shameless to SAY, unrestful qualms,

of what the angel beholds within.

In thought of the greatest beauty,

in his mind, oh angel put in place.

but the heart'd long, in an endless race.

For all these times, these thoughts surface.

He dunks em' away, away from face.

But within him, a longing so strong,

of what fate may bring, fate may bring.....

Merry Christmas everybody! <3

Been long time coming..

Hello everyone, i'm still alive (:

Oh boy, there's so many thing i'd wanna SAY all this while but never really mustered the motivation and energy to log in here to post stuff. So for a long time now, here's smth.

Standard Chartered Singapore Marathon 2009

This year's run was really wonderful, there was hardly a hint of sun for the whole race rendering my sunglasses totally useless. 4hrs45mins. Quite a reasonable timing given how little time i invested in training for it hmmmmf. Could use a better race plan next time though. At the 30km mark, it was only 3hrs02mins! 10km/hour pace, pretty fine (: But my muscles totally stiffened up on me for the remaining 12km and it took an hour forty five for the last 12km :P

Humans weren't made to fly. They RUN

死都不要停. 

Not sure what was wrong with me but i just didn want to stop at all. Used the technique my biathlon coach taught me, hips forth to displace body weight forward so there's a natural forward push on every step. It works pretty well! To the extent that i can feel my abs and hips straining after the marathon too. Ask me to show you when you see me (:

A man truly understand himself only through running- where he transcends oneself.

However, this year's run wasn as fun as last year without Jack around. There were moments i just pictured him running along with me pushing each other on! (haha, jack if you're reading this, you'd better run next time) Was really heartening to see people along the run, thanks to Rish for the powergels! Thanks to Clarisse for letting me join the baggage queue (: Saw Jernan, who was going at a imba fast pace at the start, and she did an imba 5hr45min. GODLIKE! 

Saw tiffany when passing by the cable ski, around 23km mark i guess, and it was so encouraging! Felt like seeing some family member, SA CANOEING family member <3

Pain. Pain is only a feeling. You do not succumb, you overcome!

Most of all, it wasn the timing, the run or the people that makes SCSM most most most memorable to me. During the run, I looked back at this year of 2009, thinking how much things have changed all this while. From teaching, canoe coaching to falling into the doldrums of fitness, this year has been massive and hard to put in words... 

As I kept putting my leg forward on every stride, I wanted to prove to myself, that no matter the circumstance, that no matter how hard sickness had hit me, my mind was bigger than my body. 

As I kept up the momentum with every step, I looked back to see how much i've changed and immediately felt that there's so many things I've been neglecting this year due to the hectic NS. Upon enlisting, i had so much less emotional capacity to handle relationships and to friends i haven't spoken to in a long while, i'm so sorry i've MIA-ed! Catch up soon? In view of which, I realised i've became so much less extroverted.  During the tough period of 9 months upon enlisting, I only had a close circle of friends and to this group of people who know who you are, i can't appreciate you more than anything else (: I realised i've became less sympathetic than before, and could only afford to care for immediate things around me. Having realised this for sometime now, I saw how much I haven't been able to do my part for society, for others out there who need help. Such neglect for other things around me hit me really really really hard during the run. While on the run, something happened which made my tears swell instantly. A man was pushing his wife on a wheelchair for the whole 42.195km. People clapped as they went by. On the second time i saw them, the lady on the wheelchair was wheeling herself forward as her husband followed behind, wearing a face of undying will and determination... Seeing this pair made me ask myself once again,

what's a life worth living if it isn't for others...

ps. the finisher shirts! this year's one is not that bad yeaa. It's not too ugly to not wear it out. Hahaa

p.p.s link to last year's marathon experience! http://gutsngumption.blogspot.com/2008/12/42195.html

I can only

when all i can do is to ask how you're doing,

when all that that the heart wants to reach gets blocked,

when all that i'd wish you is left unspoken,

when all that i'd get is a simple okay.

i'll be right here waiting, wishing for someday. 

Deep Embrace

Hello. I'm still alive.

Hahaa just my way of starting a post everytime I come back here to write some stuffs again. Oh boy, it's been 6 weeks into NS, going to be the 7th now.

NDU.

Tough but manageable. Draining but enriching. Period.

Hmmmmf, 2 years of NS is a long time. Many times when I wake up at night, whether in camp or at home, I'd get this sudden outburst of self-conscience:

"WOA WHERE AM I? WHO AM I NOW? I am a Naval Diver, an elite soldier."

Then i get back to sleep again, waking up the next day to live each day to my best.

I've yet to accept this new lifestyle wholeheartedly, but no matter what, these 2 years deserve best effort. Neither would I compromise myself on any learning, nor would I have any expectations from anything or anyone, but myself.

"Leadership is not position, but action"

Hold sway

Cooooool.

In a nutshell, i've been pretty much passing time meaningfully, doing things I love, backed with fulfilling and gratifying incentives for both myself and others.

Joshua Cheng asked me what i was up to, and very simply in a sentence, i replied "Coaching, teaching and appreciating life."

HAHA oh boy. 

Right, so time has cometh. Results are set to release next friday. Hoho.

All the hype of studying for so many years just to take the A level exams come right down to the result slip. The more number of As, the better your uni course, the brighter your prospects. (not a direct correlation though) 

No one can really deny the magnitude of such an event, which somehow or rather opens up pathways for us to take in time to come. I was thinking whether my life would change upon result release, or whether its effect would change my ideals in anyway. It's possible to see the result slip as the ticket to success for future. (and without a doubt, that's pretty darn true, in hothouse singapore, where gleamy-eyed students desire for academic excellence)

Not only was i thinking, but importantly, there was the element of excitement, fear and hype.

Night before GP paper. Hahaa

Before econs. OK don't read too much into the coffee can. I was perfectly sane. Just bored. Heh

Last 2 papers

Hmmmf, well, after awhile some things started to come to mind. First of all, in the most basic and practical sense, regardless of how much anyone could worry, what's done was done and no matter how anyone feels for the results, the grades are not going to change a single bit. So why not welcome it with open arms and accept what's given?

At the very least, I believed i tried my very best under the circumstances at those moments back then, from preparation up till the exams. No regrets, no regrets.

Secondly, to paint life in larger strokes and see the BIG BIG picture, what do A level results really mean to life?

Hmmm. Put it this way, if everything i've ever lived for in the past years is going to be affected by that single RESULT SLIP, an indication of academic performance, then it'd mean there isn much value for all other beautiful things in life i ought to appreciate, so to speak.

As much as the result slip may bear my name and show my grades, how much does it show who I really am?

If any one person is just defined by the number of "A"s he get, i'd dare say we've not understood him.

If any one person is only bothered about the number of "A"s he get and treats it as a life and death judgement, i'd dare say he's been living in vain.

People who aspire for straight As can break down and cry when they only get 2 or 3. They might feel like all is lost and everything that they have lived for (errm, which is studies?), all the effort, feeling, hardwork and sweat, has not paid off.  Just like how students under hothouses in China and India break down and jump off buildings or hang themselves when they fail to meet their expectations.

This only shows how much they have founded their life on academic achievements. 

Other than whatever the dreadful education system 'indoctrinates' in them, what do they believe in?

Well, i sure do stand for my beliefs. And it sure is comforting to know that the result slip wont reflect who i really am to any considerably large extent.

ps. right i've been stuck with a post for super long, i'd put it up soon

Suitability

There I was, staring into the computer screen at a total loss, not a single word typed onto that essay, not a single drip of inspiration.

A 300-word-at-least essay on why you should be given the PSC provisional scholarship. 

After 10 minutes, I gave up. No doubt i was looking for a scholarship and was quite happy to be nominated for the PSC... beneath it all i doubt i wanted to work for the Government. Errhmm, it's not about the notion of serving for the government, cause ultimately you're serving the people (which is a fact that you can find much motivation from). I guess it's just that the idea of being posted to a statutory board or ministry is a slight turn-off. Though i wouldn mind a career at ministry of community, youth and sports. (YEA! I guess it'd be a good position to effect change and make a difference) I heard from Dion (Pre-U Sem one) that they'd put you wherever they want, not based on your choice. She's doing a PhD in health sciences, but they thought of putting her in policy-making. Oh well.

OK back to point, I think the freedom of being able to choose one's job or career is a cornerstone to living your life to the fullest. Scholarships do make people serve bonds, yes, but glancing back at when that scholar signed that agreement, was he even sure that he wanted that as a career?

At this point in time, right after 'A's, truthfully, i speculate that almost 60 or 70% of the people miserably waiting for their results are still not really sure of what they'd want to pursue as a career. If this is so, what more sign a scholarship? It could very well be likened to serving as a highly-paid slave, if all that the scholar does is count down to the time his bond ends, when he'd be free to leave. 

But then again, those who take up scholarships have scintillating A level result slips and that only makes up less than 10% of the cohort. Of which, there should be more students that know what they want yea. 

After all, even if theyre not really certain of what may come in their years with the place they sign up the scholarship at, in time to come, impressionable minds may coalesce with loyalty, influence, and whatever attached feelings for the company/group, resulting in that brainiac dutifully committed to whatever company, yeaa. 

Besides all the pride and ego that it may bestow, Uni certs only bring us our first job. After which, all that matter is the resume. And even more importantly, the personality, i guess.

Hmm, i know what i want. Yeap. 

Like a flower, it roots from self-believe, stems up to self-confidence and blooms in passion. 

We can't grow a sunflower in the tropics, or the bougain villea in the snow. 

eNTJ?

Hello everybody. I'm still alive.

but..

Haaha okay my blog's been dead. 

Even though every personality test that I've ever done says i'm an extrovert, I have lotsa qualms about all those assumption-ridden tests. That particular ENTJ test even told me i'd be an executive. Yea rigght, my wishes. Hmmmm

But i guess i'm very much an introvert sometimes too. 

Well you can see, my blog posts aren't much about my thoughts, but more about the more-interesting things that I do. 

Matin told me, "You should post more on what you think, let the whole world know more about the mysterious eugene."

Hmmm oh well. Do I give people the impression that there' s so much more to me and you're not gonna know them? Hah ponder ponder............... crap, i think so. Must be some heart VS. head issue again. 

Yea frankly i must say, sometimes (or many times, oops) i tend to keep thoughts to myself. Well, i think it's thanks to this silence in opinion that allows me to have neutrality and sanctity in perception, which is of course, a good thing. Keeping thoughts to myself doesn mean im not opinionated, but i'd rather hear yours than speak mine yea.

But then again, that's maybe why I can't argue extremely well in GP essays. HAHA

OK been to genting with Jack Chenyang Qian Jernan and Clarisse! Was quite okaay, but weather was extremely good. Nice and cool like Perth, but with more cigarette smoke and exhaust fumes errrgh. 

We were super lucky in the trip. REALLY lucky. Post more about it soon (:

5.5 more weeks to enlistment. OH well, i must have no regrets and up till now, i haven't had any. 

As Jason Mraz sings, 

"Live high, live mighty, live righteously. 

Take it easy, live high"

Enrichment

Woke up to a perfect morning.

Whoosh 21st Jan, today's actually the first day of the year I've got some time to myself (well you can see the previous post was more than 2 weeks ago) and I must say 2009 started off really well yea.

ok yes today's 21st jan, wednesday, my blog's clock is screwed and i dont know how to change it.

Disclaimer:

The following is merely a recount of a relief-teaching stint and is no way meant to be derogatory, poignant or critical. Any unhappiness or displeasure caused is unintentional and is severely regretted for. 

BACK TO SCHOOL. 

Yes, how boring that could sound to any mediocre singaporean student, lugging schoolbags that weigh a ton, wearing zombie-expressions and worst of all, their motivation to go to school is to go home aft school ends. Hahaa

Eh but I was a student no more. There was no longer a need to don that same uniform day-in day-out, but instead wear comfortable work attire with shiny leather shoes. 

It came to me.

I was no longer a face in the class, I was the one the class faces.

A 2-week stint to stand in for a teacher on maternity leave, culminated in one memorable experience that i'll not forget. 

Hmmm it wasn't for the money, nor was it to kill-time, i really wanted the experience. 

2 weeks wasn a long time, neither was it too short. Whatever it was, i knew within me, I was gonna do my best at this and see what I can get. 

Took classes from Sec 1 to 4, seven and half classes. Hahaa that's like 200+ students and effectively, one in every 6 students had to know who Mr. Say was.     o_O

*and in my greatest embarrassment, i didn recognise some pupils when they greeted me. ooops. haha. 2 weeks isn long enough ok, imagine having to rmb 200+ names* 

Four Sec 2 Express classes, Half a Sec 3 Normal class, Two Sec 4 Normal class, One Sec 1 Normal Tech class.

Each class presented their own challenge and frankly it was all these challenges that really taught me new things. 

And mind you, relief teaching isn like what is so commonly perceived, get into a class, give work, and just sit down and heck about the class. I had a real teaching load. Doing what a real teacher does. 

Hmmm this is when the contract lasts for a few weeks or months yea. But for ad hoc relief teachers, that come on a day-by-day basis, the experience is like what is aforementioned. When it's like this, it becomes so much more meaningless...

Hmm  i guess teaching in a secondary school isn like how teachers in JC conduct lessons yea, just enter the class and start on the tutorials right away, and maybe just chide some of those who don't do their work. Probably 90% content, 10% classroom management.

In secondary school, i guess it changes to a much larger extent! Maybe 65% content, 35% classroom management.

In JC, students are independent learners, and they'd (have to) appreciate what the teacher is going through. Those who don't care will just screw up and down they'd go. But in Sec Sch, try to put your hands off at any one moment and in a while, you'd realise, all your efforts to teach are gone to waste. Haaha (well at least in an average school like my sec sch)

12 years of education can't make me go wrong in one observation.

Sometimes, i just wished my teachers gave me more motivation,  besides plainly rambling through all the content. Not to say that all of them weren inspirational enough, but i can safely say there wasn enough,  i mean, take a good look at all teachers and you'd see why. This was especially so in JC, where the workload nary gave teachers sufficient energy left to inspire the students.

So, I was determined. 2 weeks wouldn have allowed me to teach much content, but if there was one thing i was gonna be able to change, that'd be their outlooks, perceptions and inspiration...

Planned the lessons, made notes and worksheets for them. I guess teaching wasn that difficult. Learnt long ago to classify, organise and present info in a way that could facilitate maximal understanding, and i guess this skill that i picked up while trying to study effectively helped me teach clearly now hmmm. Well of cos this comes after having to fully  grasp the topics to be taught. They were all really simple stuff, like Sec 2E was diffusion and osmosis. Haha sure it is simple, but it's such a fundamental scientific concept that students must understand flawlessly.

OK so here came the challenging part, managing the class and whacking sense into the students.

Oh well, i dont know whether what i did actually helped cos there isn't really a yardstick to measure these things isn it.

What i'd say when,

>> i enter the class (on some occasions):

"Class, you can hear that my voice isn really good today, so if you dont want to miss out on any of the important things i'm gonna tell you today, keep quiet. If you miss anything, you don't learn, and ultimately, you wont master this topic well and you'd screw up ur exam. And of cos it's YOUR exam, not mine. SO you choose whether you wanna listen well alright?"

>> some clowns are making too much noise in a sec 2 class:

"Boys there, i'm giving you one warning, you better shut your mouths and face the front if not you won't like what's gonna happen"

2nd time,

"You again, this is your last warning"

3rd time

*just be prejudiced against those recurrent noise-makers and shoot em randomly*

they'd be feeling mistreated and unjustified and for one more time when they talk:

"Guys you know, i seriously have nothing against you, but i have a BLOODY PROBLEM with your IMMATURITY. How much longer do you want to live in such silly childishness, make noise and interrupt everyone?! Until you're sec 4?! For the rest of your life?!"

Hahha. Of cos they were angry with me at some point of time for shooting them but, aft saying this, they'd just have this overflowing conscience soaking them all over. And the rest of the lesson becomes more pleasurable to teach.

Some of them respond really well, like this guy who become so much more angelic for the subsequent lessons after i told em this.

Good signs were that those sec 2s still greet me with a smile. Coool.

For the sec 4s, theyre at this stage where theyre old enough to think and make choices for themselves. For the first lessons I mapped out this whole education route map that they could take. Being normal students, many would go to ITE and end up at work real soon. So i told them just how short are they away from making some of the most important choices in their life, which are those qn.s that stumble upon them when they start work. So they've gotta start thinking now. And whether they'd wanna regret after getting their N level results. Hmmf.

Oh yes yes, i also tried drilling into them how important it was to make full use of their youth to enrich themselves and not waste their life away with their PSPs, DOTA or lame-ass jokes. Well, having little confidence in their studies, many of them did listened up, but seemed like they were still hopeless and didn give a shit. Oh well.

Ok there were other experiences too.

Oh yea i sent out almost one-third of a Sec 2 class for not doing their homework. Forced them to sit on the ground. And of cos, they didn like it cos the school bottom was white. Hahaa

And for one of the 4N classes, i finished teaching things, they finished their work and they were playing PSP. i went up to them and said this, "Guys, first of all i am going to ask you to stop playing. 2ndly, i know you are not going to stop and i'm going to have to come back to stop you guys many times. So, do whatever you want, i have warned you, but if any teacher comes by and confiscates it, you face the consequence." And guess what, the principal walked by 15 minutes later, they got caught and PSPs confiscated. Hahaha

There were soooooooo many interesting experiences i wont be able to finish saying them here. Haaha.

2 weeks flew really fast. Some students even forgot that i was just a relief-teacher. Some of them didn want the teacher who was on maternity leave back. Some wished i stayed longer. And i just tell them "you think i want to teach you all? No one likes teaching noisy classes." hahaha. Well frankly, if i had the chance i dont mind continuing up till before NS.

Yea so that's pretty much the experience i had, a satisfying and enriching one. 

Oh yes i was really fortunate to have met some super nice 'colleagues' too. Haha. Best of all was the guy who set beside me, Prathap.

He teaches bio too and helped me plan the lessons a little. But more importantly, he gave me lotsa insights to going to uni and stuff. Also mentioned about how my life in NDU was going to be, as he was in the navy back then. He said "you'll do the same things as commandoes but even more, but at the end of the day, be less recognised than them" Hmmm ok fine, i dont mind. 

Prathap told me how much the uni campus will have an effect on your uni life. He was from NUS and told me that it's a place where you can't really feel for the place, everyone are just listless souls in this whole facility. He said that for e.g NUS and NTU students, even though they are able to study get results and all, many of em are just really childish and superficial, spending time clubbing, gossiping about the next hot chick/dude, or things like that. They don't really ask themselves what do they want to achieve and all. 

Oh well, and he juxtaposed it to SIM. SIM's an open uni, working adults take their courses and all, but of course they admit JC, poly and other students too. He said the environment there is much more focused, much more conducive to study because everyone really wants to learn.

And also reminded me, that after all it isn the degree that's most important for your career, but how you fit your personality to a career. Hmmm, insightful, insightful.

AND he asked me to consider being a teacher cos i'd make a decent one. LOL riiiiight

My co-form teacher was the HOD of chinese. And it was the same HOD when i was still a student. Man, she really has quite some experience. Once she starts yakking, she can't stop. But her stories are really interesting tho (all in chinese). Took some pains for me to reply in proper chinese (which i think was still not grammatically correct). Hahhaa

But i must say she's a really good disciplinarian. Really good. Hmm, she rejected promotion to VP if not for her english. Mmm yeaa.

And HOD of science and my ex OC for NPCC, Mr Chan. Thanks for everything man. And no thanks for telling the sec 4s my blog address. Hahaha

Now, let me unveil, my *ahem* work space!

GOSH. Paper sticked all outside the cupboards. Stacks and stacks everywhere, files everywhere. Boxes of paper overflowing out from the table. Even look at beneath the table, boxes and files there! Woots. I got no leg room at all thank you. Only things that are mine is the pencil case, the file beneath it. and my water bottle. I put my worksheets on the table behind.

It's not economy class, it's like budget, or worst lol.

Chan told me that the table was even packed before the teacher left. Hahah now now now, interesting.

Alright so 2 weeks was over, i was supposed to be free. But on monday morning, my co-form teacher called me at 6.20am asking me to go down cos this teacher was on MC. Wooo. Ironed clothes and chionged down. Lucky school starts at 7.45am (yes, i'm not joking, are you jealous now. haha) Eh it's bad for the heart and soul you know, i was planning to blaze the roads and hit the hills, aka. run. Haha but there i was sitting infront of that table on a monday mrng, preparing for lessons for the day, which i had no initial plan at all.

Man that's why i was saying, it gets meaningless for ad hoc relief. You dont really get anywhere. Hmmm

And guess what, on tuesday morning, i was called again. This time at 6am. Hahaa, the same teacher i stood in for the whole 2 weeks, on a one-day MC again.

Today, i'm free and imma go paddle later :D Got some serious business with the juniors.

Who knows i might get the call tomorrow, or the day after? Hahaa

So that's very much the experience, hope this looong post didn bore you. 

I've still yet to post on many things, gosh. Perth, New year gatherings, etc

in the meanwhile,

Hope everyone's doing fine (:

Happy CNY!

For You.

One of those songs which could describe some feelings so perfectly, uhh, like now, yea.
Jason Mraz is really da bomb with so much metaphorical and philosophical undertones in his lyrics, not to forget the captivating rifts. 

ahhh sweet.

Singapore Canoe Marathon 2009!

The first batch of medals for Team Alumni? Hmmm

Recover first. Bleah.

Pedagogue

Teach.

There was once I was so pissed off with school back during secondary school days, I logged on to the MOE site to find out what the real aims of education were.

True enough, things were pretty screwed up back in school back then. But as fortunate as could be, I'm still glad that I had great teachers, though some really needed much more to convince me.

I must say that many teachers I've encountered in the past 18 years have really impacted me in great ways and I thank them more than ever. But still, why teach?

I read once somewhere, if you love to flaunt your knowledge, be a teacher. Haha, now that's interesting isn't it. 

But i guess, after signing up at MOE, my reason wasn anything close to that. It wasn't to flaunt wit, nor was it for the money. Frankly, 50+ a day after deducting CPF isn't exactly a lot, there are much better paying part-time jobs out there.

"The aim of education is not of facts, but of values" -  [Someone whose name i forgot]

Hmmm ok primarily, truth is, taking up this job is my way of returning to society. No matter how corny it sounds to you, or in what perspective you take this, i guess i'm doing this all in the name of helping to blossom young minds. Minds that bear great potential waiting to be unravelled. Minds that have yet to see and understand how things really are in the world out there. Minds that need more clue as to how they are really gonna build themselves up. 

Adverts say, TEACH TO INSPIRE! Hahah right, I guess anyone who actually signs up could only quietly wish for this. Invest best effort first, talk about inspiring people later.

Truthfully speaking, even discussing with some of my teachers before, The education landscape in Singapore, is not as vibrant as it seems, when we talk about teaching.

Any plain joe or jane can easily sign up to be a teacher. Got a degree? BE A TEACHER! Simple as that. Teach some subject or two and get a pay. Go for programmes and courses, gain recognition, get promoted, get higher pay. 

Mechanical, it may seem. But in order to groom the children of the anxious baby-boomer generation, i guess no other alternatives could have been better either.

As such, from what i see, at times, teaching could become an underrated job. Brilliant teachers, who are becoming rarer nowadays, make a difference in the lives of hundreds of students but are unsung heroes. However, they still find great joy and satisfaction in their scope of work.

Whereas, the plain joe or jane could just be merely reading from some powerpoint slides or the textbook, and is nevertheless, still known as a teacher...

Noble or not? I decide. Let's see what tomorrow brings. Hurhur.

New year countdown was pretty good (:

Here's a video from the hotel room in Pan Pacific!