ORD LO
I can still remember vividly the first day of enlistment, of stepping into NDU, of having to shave for the first time in my life, or the culture shocks and the adaptations to life in the military. Freedom beckons and we’ll finish our 2 years of service real soon, stepping out of NDU, never less than who we were 2 years before…ORD brings a whole gamut of emotions. As liberating as it can be, it is in many ways overrated. As beautiful an end it may seem to be, it is unquestionably a very emotional one… When follow batch boys used to go on about how they’re looking forward to ORD because of the freedom that it brings, I seem to fail in empathising with them completely. ORD is overrated in that, upon leaving service, there may be a momentary happiness and freedom that bolsters us NSmen. However, the excitement dies down a week later as many will lose sight of their purpose and motivation, eventually wasting their time away… It is a human need to subject oneself to a meaning and fulfill it. I do hope my fellow brothers will discover new purposes and directions real quick, and get on with a new chapter of their lives (: ORD is overrated due to the sadness that it brings, of having to part with everyone and everything that we have grown so fond of in the past 2 years… I’ll definitely miss my batch boys so much and wished I savoured every moment and treasured the times that we had together more. On grounds that university lies ahead and we’re being ejected into the real world so abruptly, I was apprehended with uncertainty and insecurity too.. it’s in every tinge of hope that I’d muster enough fortitude to take on all that’s ahead valiantly. (which also reminds me how I should help fellow regular bros when they leave service, because it would probably hit them doubly or triply hard…)
After all every dog has its day, ours is here…
National Service is but a dream to many… mere tourists in the waking world, prancing around surreal dimensions with hearts unfounded… and waking up is all that matters… ORD lo.
Looking back to these 2 years, all who knew me well enough would know that unpleasant things have happened in this time. But for all that’s been through, I would confidently say that there isn’t any other NS experience that could have been anymore interesting than what I’ve personally been through (:
I would proudly say that National Service would be best characterized by the pitfalls I’ve fallen into, for it’s these falls that put me through the worst trials and tribulations and kept me moving forward, many times climbing out of the shitholes to become a better person than ever, many times falling back in to get used to being one with the shit.
Till this day, though my contributions to the unit may seem to be considerable, I always look back and regret thinking that I could have done so much more…
Yet at the same time, in the heart of indifference and ephemeral existence of an NSF, I feel satisfied for what I’ve contributed, which are in most ways out of the norm where responsibilities are concerned…
I will always regret for being denied a formal leadership position to effect change and make things happen. I regret that these visions of mine for the unit lay dormant in me and that they will never be realized. I regret for things which I see could have been done better but are not achieved. But.., who am I to say… when in most circumstance things are not in my position to control… No doubt such regrets were brought forth from my sheer idealism, these visions left unearthed only turn to soil…
Funny as I say it, one major lesson I learnt from National Service is to be normal. Mediocre in approach and mediocre in the way to live life. While being brim-full with motivation to conquer all odds as a former athlete, it was only after taking great falls did i compromise and come to terms with normalcy. Unending motivation and determination used to put me dwelling amongst the limits, constantly breaking these barriers to progress. Reluctance to be just ‘another ordinary person’ spurred me to ceaselessly give my best effort. But residing amongst these coveted positions and bearing such lofty mentality made it easier to fall into the doldrums below… and falling from higher grounds surely made it more painful…
I came to realize how being ‘normal’, as simple and straightforward as it is, should be just the way how life unfolds… where we take on life in a collected composure, ready to step up the pedal to reach for something, yet ready to brake in time to prevent a crash.
Being at the bottom of the organization, yet working closely with the higher-management in many projects allowed me to observe leadership in it’s full swing. A full swing of the golf club to the balls.
Though, I’m merely a men, I’m thankful for being one, in that it allowed me to analyse deeply the leadership styles of different people. Being a leader on many occasions yet failing to be one for reasons uncontrollable, though seen as a fall from grace, sharpened my leadership skills in many special ways I never expected. I saw through the delicate human dynamics that moved people- that which allowed them to converse effectively, and achieve great things, as much as the ugly interpersonal flops that made meetings bust, hammers drop and endless tirades… I learnt to bear with atrocities of ill human habits, and figured out approaches to deal with these people in the best way. I gained a better eye of perceiving personalities and bringing out the best in people. I saw the subtleties that made people ticked or flicked...These insights will serve me well for sure; as valuable lessons that won't be acquired easily anywhere else.
In respect of the organization and its management, I’d remind myself this is an reflection, not a whine. For as much as there are issues that we could mull and sigh about... let me once again trudge forth in the heart of indifference and the ephemeral existence of an NSF..... (:
Through times of disappointment with people above and being fraught with the longing of how things could turn out to be better, I learnt that ranks and designations are in many occasions, a mere indication of an individual's standing in the organization. As much as it demands respect, a rank or designation does not speak completely of his contribution, beliefs and values..... aspects which would genuinely flash through a person's genuine character. At end, it is not the rank of an individual, but how much 'heart' he has in what he does and how strong he believes in things. For what he wears on his shoulders, does not represent his ability…
As a batch, we learnt that accomplishing goals and overcoming tasks are mostly about putting our wholesome 'heart' to it. We learnt through the hardest and most painful ways, of having to meet the highest expectations. Countless stand-by-beds that were never done to standard before, and diving standards that required nothing less than the best effort from everyone, only taught us to always keep 'heart' no matter how tough the circumstances were, and ceaselessly commit our complete heart and soul at all times, at all costs...
Valuing this notion of investing our heart in order to achieve, as simple and straightforward as it is, I realized how readily this applies to so many aspects of life, and puts many ideals into perspective. When we are lazy, lack will or incapable of doing something, it's often the case of how close we hold the issue to heart and act affirmatively, and not the myriad of other excuses that we could give ourselves to simply dismiss something as difficult and impossible.
For all the lessons and experiences that NS brings, the one incomparable and irreplaceable thing I will treasure most will be the bonds with fellow Divers. Though coming together from different walks of life, it is unimaginable how closely drawn together we have become. These are the brothers that have went through the toughest ordeals we’ve ever had in our lives; suffered together in agony, cried together in pain, cheered together in victory and bask together in glory. These are the brothers who have never failed to be there for us through all times happy or sad. There were never occasions we would hesitate to share our sorrows or happiness with each other, from celebrating someone passing his TP to wallowing together for someone’s break-up. No one was ever too far, just a door or two away... It was this bunch of assholes that make NS so much more bearable… (‘: Even as we leave for separate paths, there will undeniably be a special place in our hearts, an identity we can all be proud of and the security that there are a Brothers out there who care…
Operationally Ready… Truth be told, I would still worry about this, as much as I have always been throughout the past 2 years. In my pursue of meaning to serve National Service, ideas and motivations that ground our hearts to the job never fail to be elusive. Mere tourists in the waking world I’d say…. The grapple with meaning and purpose led me to being involved heavily in National Education, for our Divers to develop a staunch meaning to their service to the nation. However, ambitious as I am, no doubt the efforts I put in, the devils inside me held me back too, to conform to mediocre mentality, the’herd’. It’s hard to imagine how Singapore would be ready for war if all NSmen were activated today for war… It is further perturbing when NSmen are believed to be ‘operationally ready’ and serve the Nation with great honour, when national identity is undergoing a shift from believing in our nation, to accepting Singapore as it is today, with only 60% ‘native’ Singaporeans. May this be last time I worry about this, that when I lodge the last period to this reflection, my thoughts be sealed, for such ambitious thoughts of mine, of truly serving the Nation for defending our home would only be valuable for myself to think about and act on.
But with these thoughts aside, and valuing all the wondrous things I’ve had in the past 2 years… myopic or superficial, it may be….
ORD LO
